Happiness is.....#1020

...a warm gun .....the home team stuffing the Poms 4:1 in the World Cup

The last of the... - #1019

 ....Summer Wine Bugner asparagus.

Lydia Bugner, our asparagus lady, is quitting.

Granted - it's a bugger of a job.

You're up at stupid o'clock every morning, it's back-breaking work, you're either up to your ankles in mud or getting UVed to a cinder and - if you sell excess production to the co-op during a glut- you get sod all and threepence a kilo.

But where are we going to get unadulterated (as in "grown-naturally-without-plastic-sheets-to-force-it-into-a-tasteless-white-watery-stick") asparagus?

We've got a year to work out a strategy....

Downtown - #1018

 

End of an era.

Greisinger, a retailer of beds, mattresses, quilts, blankets, pillows and sweet dreams, is closing down at the end of July after 75 years.

Great deals on everything they have.

Such as beds, mattresses, quilts, blankets and pillows.

(Nothing to do with this Downtown, of course....)

Open gardens - #1017

If you drive through the Mainzer Strasse, the secondary main drag (the Breite Strasse is the monguntian equivalent of the Champs Elysee..) in Gonsenheim, you'll see wall to wall houses with high walls, massive gates and no inkling of what lies behind them.

But if you sneak around the back and follow the Gonsbach, a creek that runs parallel to the Mainzer Strasse, you find treasures like this.

And on Open Gardens Day, you can even go IN, talk to the owners and rubber neck around.

Especially rubber neck around.

Not me, of course.

Me, I end up talking to Gunter Beck, the newly elected Mainz mayor and head honcho of the Greens around here.

Talked a bit about Change Management, seeing as how I'm now officially - ahem - a Visiting Lecherer Lecturer and gave him some tips.

Not that he'll hire me, of course.

They're close to €1 billion in debt....

Dutch courage - #1016

Might look like the Dutch fan block at the World Cup in South Africa, but on closer inspection, it turns out to be a mass planting of Tropaeolum or Nasturtium (literally "nose-twister" or "nose-tweaker") at Stein's nursery in Gonsenheim.

And actually (Leif), virtually everything of the plants is edible.

The leaves and blossoms go well in a salad, giving it a peppery taste similar to watercress. And if you snip off the base of the flower, you can suck out the sweetest nectar.
Unripe seeds? Pickle them like caperberries.

True story:
Mother - having grown up in the UK - plants nasturtiums along the front fence at our place in New Zealand.

3 minutes later, you can't see the fence and they're halfway across the road.

Joan Evans comes along and says "For goodness sake, Peg, why are you planting WEEDS?"

All that glisters...#1015

... could be copper.

Now if Aldi (the leading budget grocery chain over here) uses copper cladding, there's bound to be a good reason for it.

I.e. cheaper than all the alternatives.

Extension to the Bretzenheim store.

Light.....#1014

 ..at the end of the proverbial.

Either that or it's the Second Coming at the top of the exit ramp from the Theatre underground carpark.

If it is the latter, I'm stuffed.

See you where it smells of sulphur...

Well, if "Mayence" is French for "Moguntia"...#1013

...then hayell,  Pairis, Frayence* belongs to the territory.

The real story's over on Paris through my lens which is an offshoot of Birmingham Alabama Daily Photo, run by a hoot of a woman running under the name of Virginia Jones (*That's how she talks. I'll admit to not understanding a lot..)

The other version's up at YMBFA, but here's a brief summary:

• Fly to Paris at sparrow's fart
• Collect Virginia's friend Mary (Queen of Arkansas Cincinatti) at CDG
• Escort her into town
• Following Mary's instructions, enter Virginia's (supposed) apartment block and ascend to 3rd floor before determining that the whole structure is a building site in imminent danger of collapse
• Collect Virginia
• Drink coffee
• Walk around in circles (Place de Bastille circumnavigated twice...) looking for Peter the Divine and Owen
• Have lunch
• Discover multiple artists' ateliers. All closed.
• Walk around Place des Vosges (in circles...) looking for Peter the Divine and Owen. Again.
• Discover a musical instrument shop beyond belief
• Go to the airport
• Get bumped off my flight
• Get home at some ungodly hour
• Miss all the soccer matches

Wouldn't have missed it for the world

And the Lord said... - #1012

 

..."Let there be light".

And verily did arise the Lampenfabrik in the Dagobertstrasse.

With a Madonna on the other side of the street to make sure it stays that way.

Visiting WHAT...? #1011

 

I have no idea how I got roped into this, but last week I ended up at the University of Applied Sciences in Pforzheim lecturing 30 odd (surprisingly interested) students for an hour on cultural management and its impact on international business processes.

No-one fell asleep, they laughed at most of my jokes and asked to have me back next year.

More fool them....

Joey? No. Emma..... -#1010

It was like déja vu all over again.

Wrapping up a littlie in a sheet and carrying it around one's neck appears to be the preferred international paediatric mode of transport these days.

Caffea Moguntia aka TSOW is the best place in Mainz to meet cool parents and neat kiddies.

Meet Eva and Emma.

And Sonja and Henry.

They were so cute, I could have taken them home.

The littlies, that is....

In the meantime... - #1009

...while Heiko contemplates his role as Hercules for the next 7 years, the rest of the team opened up the family courtyard for the Open Gardens thingie.

They USED to have a winebar (sorely missed) during the summer months which was SO worth the 30 minute drive and we got to know Heiko and his brother Achim fairly well.

They do the vineyard bit of the farm and have another brother, Uwe, who does the agrarian bit, and lives a few 100 metres down the road.

So it was a real treat to meet his wife, Waltraud, and oldest daughter Anna the other day, selling all sorts of home-made goodies - pesto, noodles, elderberry syrup - from a stall in the courtyard

Ready, set.....#1009

..... win....

One could think that Germany was playing today.

They are?

In 63 minutes?

Bugger.

Better find a TV fairly rapidly, then......

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One swallow does not make a summer - #1008

 

The Simson Schwalbe ("Swallow")

The company started off in the century-before-last as a weapons manufacturer which then made cars which was then was then seized from its Jewish owners which was then stolen by the Russians which was then set up in post-war East Germany as a VEB ("people's owned enterprise") tasked with producing 2-stroke (EVERYTHING was 2-stroke in East Germany...) mopeds.

These two "his and hers" (how cute...) models date back to the 1960s.

They've achieve cult status waaaay up there with the VW Beetle

Talk about Augean.....#1007

Heiko Dettweiller has obviously not heard of the fifth of Hercules' 12 labours.

To wit: cleaning the Augean stables within a single day.

Augeas, one of the Argonauts, had the largest herd of cattle in the realm - all of which had prodigiously effective and productive digestive systems - and had totally neglected any form of bovine hygiene for 30 years.

Heiko's groin-vaulted barn in Wintersheim used to house cattle.

Then came the pigs......

He's made a pretty good start, though.

His plan is now to drop the floor by about 50cm, tile it and (we hope...) use it as a wine bar.

Plans to have it finished for his 50th birthday.

He's got 7 years.

At least he's still got a smile on his face.....

"Just call me Sina" -#1006

 

I was so gobsmacked, I forgot to curtsey.

"Your Majesty...." I stammered.

"Oh goodness" she said " Just call me Sina"

Sina Listmann is the Rhine-Hessian Wine Queen and thus in the running for the title of German Wine Queen in September this year.

She's a shoo-in as far as I'm concerned.

And it's not a Beauty Contest with bikinis and high heels, if that's what you're thinking - you're the ambassador for the region (or Germany, for that matter) and if you get this far, your knowledge of all aspects of wine growing, making and marketing is profound.

Met her last year at about this time at her parents' vineyard in Dorn-Dürkheim - where she helps out alongside  studying anthropology, political science and philosophy at Mainz University - on an Open Gardens weekend.

They've planted a classic Victorian garden with plants of the era (Monkey Puzzle tree, anyone...?) and formally clipped box hedges and Sina did the guided tour.

And served in the café.

Informative, witty, eloquent and just so natural.

And I kept thinking " Only 22 years old? At her age, I was a real hick..".

Still am, for that matter.

So when she popped up in the local rag as a candidate for the regional title, I KNEW she'd win.

Flash forward to the weekend.

Open Gardens again, Her Majesty Sina comes up to say "Hello" and - after I've got over my confusion - ask for a photo op.

"Do you want to see the crown?"

"You'll have to be quick when I put it on" she says "It doesn't fit me very well and ends up over my eyes"

Big-headed, she's not.

Help... #1005

As hard as I've tried, all I can find out about this fountain, located slap in the middle of the Leichhof, is that it's been there since 1980, it's the work of Heinz Müller-Olm and its symbolic figures represent the history of the city.

So what does a vertically challenged bricklayer (standing on a pile of books, with an owl at his feet) have to do with Darth Vader?

And what do the two of them have to do with Mainz.

Locals?
Please?

The democratic process - #1004

If you wanted to go get home by bus on Tuesday evening, you were pretty much stuffed, with one of the major traffic axes being monopolised by a student protest against pretty much everything.

Hence a lack of buses.

I can follow the argumentation that tuition fees are counter-productive to giving lower socio-economic kids a leg up, but then you do a means test and sort it that way.

But I can't follow the shrieks against the new Bachelor degree (which sort of aligns Germany with the rest of the world) and the complaints "that you're forced to take core subjects for the first 3 semesters".

And their cause isn't really helped by one of their spokespeople being 31 years of age after 11 years of study (philosophy and history) and not quite finished yet....

But it was a nice afternoon out, everyone got a suntan and there's an ice-cream parlour just around the corner.

Beats sitting in a lecture hall, listening one of my professor mates for sure...

Johannes (just off picture, right) is probably thinking "All my fault...."

A gardener's shed - #1003

 

Odile Landragin's garden shed.

Professional simplicity.

Warm fuzzies - #1002

Jürgen and Carolin Hofmann are true shooting stars among the new generation of vintners.

She's been named "Young vintnerin of the year" by none less than Stuart Piggot and Jürgen crafts wines that are elegant to the max and sell out almost instantly.

His vineyards are in Appenheim (Dialect: App'nm") and hers are on the Saar river, a mere 150km away.

They're married, have just built a new house in Appn'm and by amazing feats of jungling, sleight of hand and whatever, they manage to keep things on track at this rarified level of quality.

And have 2 kids, Johanna and Paul.

Proper names, not fashionable stuff like "Kevin" or "Kiara".

We don't buy a lot of wine, but Jürgen's always first port of call when the new vintage is out.

As on Tuesday.

Call his number to see if he's in.
Get Gran, who gives me (incorrectly) his cell phone number.
Drive down on the off chance and only Gran's home at the vineyard.
Tells us to drive up to the new house, bound to be there.
Which they are, but they're meeting with the architect.

"Oh look" says Jürgen "We know each other well enough - you know where the fridge is, go and do some tasting and we'll be down as soon as we can"

So we get the usual suspects out of the fridge, start working our way through them, are joined by a mate of Jürgen's who wouldn't mind trying either and then a trucking outfit turns up, so I help him sorting out which pallets of wine to pick up and then we try some more and Carolin turns up with Paul who gets unceremoniously plonked on Mrs jb's lap where he's cuddled for 20 minutes or so while Carolin zips around organising stuff.

And on it goes.

Jürgen turns up at some stage with Johanna (who sort of knows us by now) and then his Mum and Dad turn up and greet us like long-lost friends.

And Mum - "Gran", actually - says firmly but kindly to Johanna "Now, I can't hear what you're saying around that cup, so you'll first need to take it away from your mouth and ask me again"

This is the only way to buy wine....

Dinosaurs - #1001

Karstadt is a department store of the old order.

The first store was opened in Wismar in 1881 and it's been synonymous - along with Kaufhof, Hertie and others - with the "everything under one roof" retailing concept.

Karstadt swallowed Hertie in 1994 and then merged with Quelle, a huge mail order/bricks and mortar retailer.

And then declared bankruptcy last year when their liquidity went to zero.

It seems to drift around in a no mans' land, with a target market that's aging and not very wealthy. Which would include me, but I don't consume, so there..

Ms jb reckons that the difference between department stores in the States and here is that over there, the department stores have the good stuff and the boutiques the tat and over here it's vice versa.

And if she wouldn't know about this stuff, no-one would...

There's currently a battle for ownership, with Berggruen Holdings, a private American investor getting the nod ahead of Highstreet, a Canadian asset management company which owns the properties via a sale and lease back deal.

Except that to make the deal work, Berggruen needs Highstreet to drastically reduce the rents currently being charged (which were a key driver for the bankruptcy in the first place.)

Did someone say "hell, chance, snowball"?

I'm not holding my breath....

Man of the ..... - #1000

..Milennium.

The boy hisself, as flash as a rat with a gold tooth, on his very own pedestal in his eponymous square.

So doesn't time just fly?

Thanks for the interest and the collective tolerance of a combination of bad-tempered geriatric ranting, stale jokes and general weirdness.

Thanks to Helen for jumping in on occasion (give us a bell, girl) and to Meg and Ben for tolerating encroachments (#896 - #919) on their territory.

And thanks to Eric for the forum.

(Technical note: an 500mm/f8 Nikkor mirror lens mounted on a D80 body which gives a focal length of 750mm. I had to walk 5km to get a decent perspective...)

Spargelsuppe - #999

Or - Leave no fragment behind.

Asparagus is dodgy stuff.

When you see it on the market, regimentally lined up as if every spear had been cloned, you're looking at Grade 1.

Grade 2 is similar with a purplish tip. (As in Hollywood, looks are everything)

Grade 3 is either thinner, purpler or a bit misshapen.

The further down the line you go, the less recognisable as asparagus it becomes.

Then you have the stuff that got damaged during harvesting - Bruchspargel or asparagus bits.

Cheap as chips and this is what you do with it.

Dice an onion finely and sweat in some butter. When translucent, sling in some kibbled spelt and fry in the butter until it starts to take on colour.

Pour in good quality chicken or vege stock and simmer for about 30 minutes or until the kibbled spelt has swollen, but still has texture.

In the meantime, you'll have washed, peeled and cut the asparagus into bite-sized morsels and boiled it in water with a pinch of sugar.


Add to the broth, season to taste, chop some flat-leafed parsley (is there really any other kind...?) and serve with baguette.

The Odilarium - #998

I have a feeling that the Odilarium was originally intended to be a swimming pool, but somehow ended up as a sunken garden.

Whatever.

It's one of the many surprises that greets you when you wander through Odile Landragin's herb and aromatics garden in Gonsenheim.

It's not constructed for the vertically-gifted like myself - I think that eye-level is intended to be somewhere at or below the rim to provide the ideal perspective.

Being somewhat brobdingnagian, it comes up to my waist.

Anyway, this is the view for the Lilliputians among you.

There's even a ladder to help you escape....

And this is where the plughole should have gone.

(Funny - I always thought that water circles the drain in a clockwise direction in the Northern hemisphere. Maybe not...)

Now that was a mistake.... -#997

 Open Gardens Day in Gonsenheim last week and Stein's Herb Nursery had all sorts of activities for littlies, one of which attracted some...er...not so little littlies.

For example: the potting mixture machine, the German word for which has 247 letters, very few of them vowels (but lots of them umlauts).

Stack the pots in a magazine, fill the hopper with potting mix, switch it on, watch it fill, tamp and pre-drill the content and then press-gang the attending kids into retrieving the pots from the conveyor belt and putting them in trays.

"What happens if we can't keep up" asked one.

"Oh, they just fall off the end of the belt into the bin" she said carelessly " Then we just re-use them"

Big mistake.

All of a sudden, no-one could keep up.

There was even active assistance in relocating pots from the belt to the bin.

Wheeeeeeee....!

Plop!

"Yessssssss.....!"

And it's still.... - #996

...that time of year.

Season runs until St John's Day - 24 June

Bunch of wimps - #995

They don't look very geriatric to me (although I'm told that some dye their hair...)

And the gradient on the Windmühlenstrasse is mild to the point of being almost flat.

I mean, I KNOW they're called "push bikes", but this is silly.....

Calling a spade a spade -#994

 

There are some things that are worth paying good money for.

Good tools, for example.

DeWit makes exquisitely good garden tools.

Carbon steel blades, ash handles.

This little grubber costs €10.

My new spade knocked me back close to €100.

Worth every cent

A gardener's diary - #993

Odile Landragin's documentation of the weather in May

19 Rain Rain


20 Cool Cool


21 Same

A small excerpt of a meteorologically challenging month.

Killed my basil plants, that's for sure....

Monthly Theme Day - Funny Signs - #992

Visit enough art museums and you can start to empathise with this fridge magnet from Sticky Jam, a funky design outfit from Hamburg:

"Is that art or can we get rid of it?"

There are some classic stories associated with the theme, mostly involving Josef Beuys, a leading German modern artist.

One of his works, an Objet trouvé featuring a grimy bathtub filled with bandages and plasters, was in storage in an art museum in Leverkusen prior to an exhibition where it was discovered in 1973 by 2 women from the local branch of the SPD political party looking for a suitable receptacle in which to rinse glasses after a party.

Duly emptied and scrubbed clean, it cost the city DM40,000 in damages....

A similar fate awaited his iconic Fettecke - Fat Corner - which is/was (you've guessed it) the corner of a room accurately filled with butter.

Duly removed by the janitor at the Kunstakademie in Düsseldorf in 1986.

Another DM40,000......

These fridge stickers from Sticky Jam won't put you out by that much, though.

A mere €3.50.

So affordable, in fact that I think I shall invest in

"The Early Bird ...... can kiss my ass"

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